Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. 12 I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. 13 For I can do everything through Christ,[d] who gives me strength.

I was crying at my desk this week and my left contact fell out of my eye.

I couldn’t lose that left contact because I am out of left contacts. I carried this left contact in my hand to Rite Aid where I could find contact solution.

Last week, I was given my end date at the job I am working at.

I am getting laid off at the end of 2018.

Everything that is happening to me in 2018 isn’t exactly what I thought would happen to me, say, a year ago. In fact, this is the first time in my life I’ve been completely out of control.

I am a Christian who is receiving from God and still completely struggling in the world.

I still believe in God in my confusion, mess, and uncertainty.

I still believe in God even though I am anxious.

I was crying because my best friend was reminding me of my resilience this year. I’ve been through a lot of chaos.

And I’m terrified. I’m terrified I am one step away from moving back in with my parents and losing any chance of living my big, God sized dream.

I don’t even know what my big, God sized dream is anymore.

I’m learning contentment has nothing to do with what surrounds me or what I believe about my life. It has everything to do with the inner peace that God is God.

I am a reactionary person. In the response of trouble, I find myself reaching and grasping for anything that makes sense. I look for a solution.

More importantly, I run from the people around me to help find the solution in myself.

This season has been a lot about recognizing the character I am building.

I have to believe God is doing something so significant in my life that is meant to benefit and bless someone else.

If you feel you are at your wits, it is possible to love and trust God in this moment.

It’s okay that you aren’t certain or sure about what He’s doing. It doesn’t make you less of a person, Christian, or follower of Jesus.

It just makes you human.

I think the world needs to meet more human Christians. Christians who are undergoing the reality of a world full of sin and difficulty.

Until God calls us home, we will always go through terrible, frustrating things. It’s okay.

It’s going to be okay.

Prayer: Father, help me to be content with what is in my hands. Help me to know where you’ve led me is exactly where you want me to be in that moment. Help me to be courageous and take a leap of faith when my circumstances don’t seem good.

Suggested Reading

  • Philippians 4:10-19

 

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Living love boldly, courageously, and without fear.

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