I am not sure about you, but growing up, I always felt that God spoke to people who didn’t look at me. They had to be older, married, perfect and without fault. And I joked a lot about that – I joked about how God would never talk to a girl in these streets like me. I was too rough, too without control – God doesn’t talk to people like me.
Why would He waste His time with someone like me?
A couple months ago, a really lovely friend of mine told me that she thought God was giving me the gift of visions. It really terrified me.
The following night I had a nightmare that really spoke into the life of a very good friend of mine. And it absolutely terrified me. It terrified me that God might be revealing something to me and that I had to do something about it. When I woke up in the middle of the night from this dream, I hid under my covers and didn’t know exactly how to move forward. I was scared of this new realm I felt I was stepping into. I didn’t feel like I had any authority in. I didn’t feel like I could tell someone about the things that are operating in the darkness, and that maybe, maybe God was speaking directly to me about this person’s circumstance – something that He wanted me to know personally.
As Christians, we have access to a very personal God. A God who speaks to us where we are, how we are, and even in a way that only we can understand. He gives us personal revelation about who He is because He loves us that much. He loves us enough to know how we need to hear what He is saying. It is intimate, genuine, and generous. It speaks to the way that God created us – to be known by Him.
A very close girlfriend of mine, in the midst of my confusion with hearing God’s voice, told me that God operates in my identity. Growing up, I felt that I had to look or be a certain way to hear the voice of God. The truth is the voice of God is consistent. The Holy Spirit is able to provide direction and truth in ways even our closest confidantes cannot. If you hear it in your spirit, it probably is the truth that God is revealing to you. The Holy Spirit trusts us so much that He is willing to speak into the way you need to hear Him. And it’s good to listen, to be silent – and to actually respond.
My cousin and I talk a lot about this because, to be fair, there’s a lot of thoughts that I have that are contrary to the spirit of God operating within me. How do I know that it really is the Holy Spirit? How do I know that God is actually talking to me? I am no theologian, but I can confidently say this is my truth:
- When I decided to follow Jesus, I was given access to the Holy Spirit. That access is not going anywhere. God lives within me and is relevant to every single circumstance.
- I think the Holy Spirit gives us more than just a feeling in our spirit. He confirms his authority through our close relationships, through the Word of God, through the seeking after, even in the small stuff. I’ve found that God always affirms his word to me more than once, through a feeling in my spirit, through a message shared by a friend or a podcast, by the Word of God confirming a thought and closing the gap. Allow yourself to take your heart issues full circle. Sometimes, you don’t always get the answer you’re looking for. Fortunately for you, God is still sovereign even when your ego is bruised.
- You’re allowed to be unsure. There are things about God we will just never understand because that is the nature of the God we serve. The truth is, in your journey with God, you are not always going to be in the know about everything God is doing. You are going to think that this is the direction God is asking you to go for this specific purpose, function, etc. Remember that God, ultimately, has determined every step, every detour – there is nothing you can do wrong in the path of God – so be bold, be confident, and allow yourself to trust the Holy Spirit inside of you. Because God is already aware of the way you will go, why be afraid to take the leap? God has you in His hands; He absolutely loves and adores you.
This Sunday, I finally came full circle with a truth that I thought God was revealing to me. What I thought He had laid in my spirit had taken me on a year long journey of more about learning about who He had made me, and how much He deeply, deeply loves me. This year on my birthday, I was surrounded by so many people who laid into the truth about who I was. I have always had a hard time believing what others believe about my character. But the truth is, this journey the Holy Spirit had me on did not end up in any resolution but revealing who God was. It revealed an element of His nature and the depth of God’s love for me. It didn’t lead me to my husband, or a new career path, or to any thing that I could showcase for this hard, heart work.
This journey made realize how known I am to God. Nothing on the outside had changed; I had nothing to show to the people around me. Yet, I am the most alive I have ever felt. I began to finally understand what it meant to boldly say that I am a queen, that I am fearfully and wonderfully made, that God adores and loves everything about my heart, my delicateness, my ability to love and pour into others.
A lovely friend of mine once said to me, “The Holy Spirit trusts us so much that He lets us in on His plans for us.” How incredibly beautiful is that – how incredibly beautiful is it to think that you can have that intimate of a relationship with your creator? So much so, that He wants to share with you the plans and authority He has bestowed to you?
It is so special to be in a relationship with God.