“13 But their evil intentions will be exposed when the light shines on them, 14 for the light makes everything visible.”

Last year, I started a lackluster relationship with a guy I had met at a party. This guy and I had absolutely no future together. Despite this being obvious to me, I decided to pursue it, knowing full well it was going nowhere.

A few weeks later, it ended, just like I predicted.

I called my mujer (girl) Vanessa to tell her what had happened. I had talked to her a few times while the relationship was going on and chose to omit the detail.

“Why did you wait so long to tell me?”

Honestly? I was ashamed.

I come from a culture of chatter. Most of my life, I was surrounded by women who liked to talk about each other rather than talk directly to each other.

I still find myself indulging in conversations about other people. It’s so much easier to talk about others than it is to deal with my own, shit.  

But that’s the thing – we are all going through “shit.” We are all struggling with something.

It’s possible to gossip while having your own shit.

Gossip leads to a culture of shame. This shame keeps us from exposing ourselves to the people who love and want to help us.

This shame keeps you, me, and others we love and know from operating from our purpose.

Shame is the number one tactic the enemy uses to keep us from our purpose.

He wants you to feel like you are not enough. He creates circumstances to make shame very real and inevitable. Though we may walk into shame and invite it in, it doesn’t own us or control what God has in store for us.

It never will stand a chance against the light inside of you, no matter how deep you think you’re in.

I admitted to Vanessa I didn’t want to tell her. She told me this:

“I don’t care about the decisions you make. I care about you. I care about knowing your truth, even if it’s not perfect. You can make the same mistake 100 times and I will still care to know.”

The people who love you, who want to stand with you, are not going to look and name you for your shame.

It’s time to find safe spaces and share your shame.

It’s time to open up so you can get the help you need and the people who will hold you accountable to the help.

Darkness will keep you disgusted with yourself. It will keep you from standing in your purpose, from fighting the thing that is holding you back.

You will overcome darkness with light. The light that lives inside of you.

The light that has abundance and fullness ahead of you.

Suggested Reading

  • Ephesians 5:1-14

Living love boldly, courageously, and without fear.


  1. Girl, you hit the nail right on the head. Our Malayalee culture rather make everything look shameful, when Christianity shows acceptance of people despite what shame they are dealing with.

    • mm
      Rachel Varkey

      Love and miss you! Absolutely. We have to be better about opening up our hearts in our communities. Or we always stay the same.

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