I have struggled with acne for most of my 20’s. I hate talking about it because it truly embarasses me. There are days when I stare at my face for much longer than I should because I genuinely do not want people to see me. I am in a people facing career, I love spending time with people, and I hope to have a fairly public career. It is not fun to look at your face and not feel control over what you look like on the outside. I also struggle with my weight. I don’t really care if I get hate mail because you see me and think that I look like a toothpick. You do not look at my naked body as often as I do, and it’s an area where I struggle often. My worst fear in life is having to wear a bathing suit. I do not want people to see me and see my cursed Kerala belly and other imperfections.
The reason I bring these things up is because I know I am not the only woman who looks at herself and wonders why she doesn’t have this feature, body part, or look. I know that it is very easy to look at yourself in the mirror and point out everything that is wrong with you.
As a single woman, I have often thought that finding an admirer would help me get over these insecurities. Once I found an admirer, I found that not only did it not help – I actually shy-ed away from his affection. I have a hard time believing him. I feel like that I have him under a spell. I rarely ever take him seriously, and I realized that having him in my orbit didn’t actually make a difference.
When anyone calls me beautiful, they actually are just seeing 0.1% of the reflection of how God sees me. That’s the honest truth. No earthly human will ever be able to see me in the radiance and gorgeous view that God has of me. In God’s eyes, I am actually stunning. Isn’t that crazy to think about? As I pick apart every piece of myself that I hate, God is looking at me asking why I cannot celebrate in his masterpiece.
Do you hear me? God created me, and YOU, as a masterpiece. I am a work of art. I love art – I find God’s creativity, love, and heart in the center of all forms of art.
I am da Vinci’s Mona Lisa to God. That’s the level of art I am to Him. Imagine the most beautiful painting, film, or play you’ve ever seen – you are even more beautiful than that.
These insecurities will directly impact your ability to respond in a healthy relationship. I am telling you now, you won’t ever really heal from these insecurities. They will haunt you and make it hard for you to believe that you are whole. Yet, you have a choice – to believe the insecurity or to believe in the God and the people who are planted in front of you who see the art that is in front of them. When you choose not to believe it, you strain both your relationship with God, but also the relationships that you have with others who see you this way. This takes a toll on the people who love you. I’m finding that even if we don’t always believe those people, it’s better to trust them because they can sometimes see us past the lies we tell ourselves.
Believe that you are a piece of art. Believe that even on your worst day – you are the most beautiful creature to God and to those who love you. It will elevate you to new heights. It will make you more brave. It will allow you to see yourself as the impacter you are, and not the person that you see in the mirror. You are more than the person in the mirror because that person can be distorted by the lies of the enemy.
You are perfect, whole, and beautiful. Breathe deep and believe it.