I’ve always found Valentine’s Day to be incredibly alienating.
Before I met Charles, I spent every Valentine’s Day, especially while in my early 20s, with my girlfriends. I was/am an independent woman “who don’t need no man.”
I lived and breathed this identity both as a single woman, and in my relationship.
When I eventually met Charles, I had built up so much resistance to Valentine’s Day that I notoriously ruined our first one together.
I so desperately wanted to hold on to my independence that I struggled to celebrate the gift of love I’d been given.
I believe my Christianity idolizes marriage and denies many people the opportunity to truly explore the greatest love story of all:
The one where you pursue yourself relentlessly.
As a single person, you are told you either must find the way to marriage or be in hot pursuit of “the one.” I know too many people, despite how incredible they are, who have not wrestled with the demons that follow one into their marriage.
They have spent too much time fixated on finding the one that they don’t realize that the same internal shit you face today is the same trash that will haunt you, to an even greater degree, when you’re married.
I am one of those people. When I got married, despite finding the one, and being so perfectly matched to the man of my dreams, I found myself struggling to enjoy my marriage thoroughly.
The baggage of my past, the pain from my childhood, my insecurities, and my fears welled up within me as I transitioned into my married life.
Our society doesn’t celebrate hard personal reflection. We see the videos, the photos, and conclude that people’s lives are good, happy, and perfect. We see the hallmarks of milestones — engagement photo sessions, bridal showers, baby announcements, and gender reveals.
I want to use this month, which is typically reserved to commemorate the celebration of relationships, to elevate the commitment to loving and pursuing ourselves before we can either find our “ones” or really enjoy the goodness of our relationships.
This month, I’ll be highlighting a few women who I believe are relentlessly pursuing themselves. These are women who I admire in so many ways — their strength, accomplishments, and, most importantly, how courageously they are committed to the work of personal growth and healing.
These women have owned their story and are honest about the insecurities that prevent them from living in the moment.
This February, I’d love to celebrate our commitment to the greatest love story of all — the one where you fall in love with yourself.
Find the pieces here:
- “Living uncomfortably in your purpose” – Raven Roberts, single
- “Doing the hard work of getting to know yourself” – Ribicca Mayume, single (COMING SOON)
- “Getting any accurate view of myself” – Sherry Thomas, coupled (COMING SOON)