I was definitely a girl who thought she wasn’t going to struggle in marriage.

I met my guy. The love of my life.

My person.

And to be fair, it was a bit of a fairytale. We met and fell in love in less than a year.

After we got married, we both got sick in different ways. For me, it was weird stomach issues.

And to spare you the details, it hasn’t been very pretty. My partner has suffered the worst of my symptoms.

And what I love about him – is he endures. He patiently endures and takes care of me in ways no one has before.

I find myself so unable to return the favor.

And I know we shouldn’t be keeping score. But, I am.

A lot.

In the scoreboard of marriage, Charles has outdone me in grace points.

There are days when I strike zero, often. I thought I was going to be a kind, gracious, and gentle wife.

I thought I was going to be good at this.

Marriage exposed the bitter ugliness inside of me in a way I didn’t see coming. It’s exposed this reality that I am not as kind as I thought I was.

Or sure.

Or confident.

Or good.

As the glass of my own security shatters, I begin to see myself for my sin. I begin to wonder if I made the right choice.

Why has no other relationship exposed me for my darkness more than this?

I wanted to be the person who illustrated Christ through marriage.

I just didn’t think that I would be the one who needed Christ.

In my first three months of marriage, I waited for my partner to hang me on a cross.

I waited on a punishment I definitely deserved.

I wanted him to be mad, yell, or frustrated with me.

But there he stood, unwavered, unmoved, and still deeply in love with me.

Still choosing me.

Seeing me flaws and all, and loving me anyway.

What an honor it is to be loved in marriage.

I’ve been convicted more in three months of marriage than I have in most of my adult life.

I am no expert in marriage, but I believe in its divinity.

I see why God chose it to illustrate His love for us.

If you’re waiting to be punished, scolded, or stopped by what you obviously deserve.

Don’t wait up. He loves you anyway.

He cherishes, adores, and receives you as you are. As He made you. And who He knows you to be.

This may confuse and upset you.

But this is what you’ve received by believing in Christ.

You will be loved, anyway.


Living love boldly, courageously, and without fear.

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